The Worst Feeling...

Do you know.. the worst feeling is when you break-up with someone, yet you don't know the actual reason why they broke it off. All they've given you to work on is is "It's all me, its not you", in which case you know that it's all you, and not the other person. You're not attractive enough, you don't smile enough.. you don't ever... you won't ever fill the missing blanks.

In this particular relationship, I went against some of my principles - yet this person was too *beep* to give me a real reason so my mind can move on. I've said many things, which I really didn't mean... but subhaanAllah it's Allah's way.. Kunfya kun... be and it will be. In every situation we blame things for not happening, 'He died from a heart attack...'. But all the while, it's part of Allah's plan. Had me and Bibi 'meant to be', I guess it would have been a whole lot easier for us to get married - no family problems, maybe he'd be more attractive to me, maybe maybe maybe. The fact of the matter is... it isn't meant to be, and he's not here with me. Doesn't stop the way I feel tho... InshaAllah, it will become easy as time goes on. Maybe he'll come back, but I'm sure he won't. His final words cut like a knife tho "I've come to terms with it - I know I'm not meant to get married". Like what did I do that was so wrong? did I lie? did I talk about him behind his back? What crime did I commit? Allah hu Alim what's spinning in his head.

As far as I'm aware, I didn't do anything wrong... except listen to hearsay once, and accuse him of lying... But I apologised for that. And I meant it with all my heart.

If anyone knows, please tell me
I need to know why, so set my mind free
I didn't intend to fall in so deep
For someone who had no intention for keeps

Everytime I meet someone new
I think of someone else - who doesn't have a clue
How much I've been hurting for him inside
When all he's worried for is his pride

A girl with drop dead gorgeous looks
Not someone whose head is in THE Book
Allow someone who wants him for Islamic reasons
Who wants to help him clear his treson's.

Then a complaint, this girl won't leave me!
if that's the case.. he shouldn't have broken me
Before I met him, I was as strong as steal
And inside, I have forgotten how to feel.

I've forgotten who I really am
A girl who's into the lastest glam
Who always smiled through her crisis
InshaAllah I'll never loose the will to fight this.

I'm getting the feeling he still wasn't over
The girl who was his 2 year lover
I guess I cannot compete with such a stance
Especially if I'm not worth a second glance.

A simple request for him, from me
Please don't ever let someone give him the key
If their heart isn't really something he wants
For to be heartbroken isn't easy to shunt.