Are Men really from Venus?

Salam.. I made it to day two.

I don't get it. I spoke to 4 'members of the female species' today - make that 5!! Who all described their broken relationships in a similar fashion - referring more to their reaction when things start to go soar... You see, most women nowadays (especially in Britain - or London more like..) are taking the form of a man. God made man and woman, the man is the breadwinner, and the woman stays at home being the homemaker (call me old fashioned, but that the way it is). Saying that tho, I still work and would prefer to work (when I get married) until the kids come along (InshaAllah) - or at least occupy my time constructively - Study the Deen?

Take up a new hobby - card making?

Let's sterotype Asian men now... (that includes Pakistani's, Bangladeshi's, Indian's and the like...). How many of these do you know that.. Go to work, cook and clean when they get home, have clean clothes when their families need them and still have time for the other half? Hmm... I can't think of one. Now, how many girls do you know who have this talent? The list? Guys... if you'd like a list of prospective rista's... please leave your email address in the 'comments box' and I'll get back to you. I even know girls who have purchased their own accomodation (by the age of 25ish) and have this out on rent, whilst guys of a similar age are still racing around in their fast cars, wasting their money on ... themselves and not thinking about the future (I even know some 30 odd year olds who are still in these nappies).

Why and how does this happen? Our Mum's tend to Mother their son's and give them everything they want, and spend what they earn on themselves, iron their clothes for them, cook all their food for them, feed, bathe and let them out at whatever time of the night. Whilst daughters represent the mothers' so they are taught EVERYTHING from A-Z - even how to earn a living. So then it comes .. time for marridge. Little girl is now big girl... she has a house on rent, has a nice car, has a good job, now all she needs is a COMPANION. She didn't find anyone at Uni (partly cos she'd probably get beats from her brother and father should they find out), so here comes the list of possible rista's.

Being Muslim, Alhumdulillah.. we have the freedom to say yes or no... so it's no no no all the way.. till one day, BAM! you've found an Intelligent Heart. He's streetwise enough to know the difference between Haram and Halal. He's got a bit of history but you don't mind because that's all in the past, he is somewhat religious but is still liberal (bit of music, the odd movie), he knows a bit of your language even tho he's from a different country (will your parents except? Sure - once they meet him, who could resist?!), he's given you the CHOICE as to whether you want to work or not, and it seems that if you continue to practice Islam the way you are currently, and even excel in that you quit work and study Islam full time - he'll only respect you more for it, understanding, caring, independant thinker, loves CARS as much as I do, cares for his parents so he'll understand why we'd to check up on mother-dear, loves kids and wants a child as much as we do, then all the bog-standard stuff - GSOH, nice smile, cheeky....

Your friend introoduced you, so you speak on the phone. By the time you're ready to meet you're already semi-emotionally attached. You pray 2 rakat Istikhara (prayer for guidence from Allah). Set on your way to meet him. You're there, waiting. He's there. Your heart skips a beat. And for a few weeks it's ok.. then you ask... where is this going since we met on terms of marriage?? Silence.

'I need to think some things over. Calls? Unanswered. Texts? Few and far between. When he finally calls... sorry it won't work. Like... YOU WHAT??! (by this time by the way, the girl is already in 'love' and has possibly already purchased her wedding outfit *joke*, but you know what I mean - the woman has it bad). How could you do that to someone? Knowing full well she's never really had a relationship (saving herself for his husband). Why are men afraid of commitment? And if you don't want commitment, why allow the girl to fall for you?

From my own experience... this guy (tho I do think he was the genuine cookie - maybe I'm just being biased?) was 'having family problems' after 10 months of 'Yes.. no.. yes.. no' (from his part - I was too infactuated to realise what was happening - I guess I wanted him so badly) [In my dream-life with him we were teaching each other the deen, when a mate was getting married I'd imagine him in the Sharwani my brother in-law would be wearing.. imagining his smile, his happiness].

Anyway, from my own experiences, when commitment strikes everything goes pear-shaped. (even if the whole thing is arranged!!) He'll go missing for weeks, then call out of the blue. Then end it. Then contact me. Then readdress the issue. Ask me to record him whilst he was on TV (couldn't his sister tape it for him - clearly not when I told him I'd been to the gym and lost a stone... & it would thereby require me meeting with him to give him the tape.. post? No-way) then say he is considering marriage again, then disappear again, then text me the following msge:

"Went where? went there... Saw who? saw you. Wanted what? wanted you. Left this? Had to"

Needless to say, I'd been back and forth so many times that I was feeling see-sick - sick of seeing him in my dreams, his number on my phone, his emails in my inbox. But at the same time - love sick... missed him... No, miss him. Loved him? Love him. So what do I do? I wanted him and still want him... so what do us women do? Because we've got and acheived everything else in life (mashaAllah) thru hard work, we apply the same to the situation (for me, I did this about 4 months into the whole on-off thingymebob).

At any moment possible, we try to find out how they are... But we don't ask the person who introduced us (hell no), cos we know that person will tell us whatever anyway ;o) + and we wouldn't want to seem too pushy! (altho that back-fired on me too), when the person got their wires crossed and told me something bad... and I got cross, and sent an abusive text (what was I thinking??!!!!). We call, text, email hoping for a response - why? dreams. Oh, and how could I forget?? I once happened to meet someone who worked with him... She was like I work at XXX... I said do you know ZZZ?... yeh - I know him.. I was like cool stuff.. she said "He's getting married isn't he?", and I was like.. Oh .. is he .. and said I needed the loo, and went.. (heart pumping, lump in throat, forcing tears back - why? cos at the time he said he was single, and was making a decision about me - the girl I met was certain he was to get married soon, and he hadn't met my family so it had to be someone else to whom she was referring... boy I was wrong....).

[The most annoying thing is, that I don't ask after people like that. Especially those I care for - for exactly the reason for receiving false information. But SubhaanAllah, the information (or false information) came to me without me asking for it. To be honest I think Allah was testing me as to how I might react, there may be something bigger and better waiting for me in the future, with a similar situation in line? At least I'll be equipped with the right signals.]

When us girls don't get what we want in a relationship it seems.. Our behaviour becomes irrational. We accuse, we throw tantrums, we run out of shops not looking at what's happening around us, we send endless number of emails hoping they'll switch. Girls.. this doesn't work. You're only fuelling his reason for breaking it off. I hadn't seen this side of me before, and InshaAllah I don't intend on releasing my 'evil twin' ever again...

Learn to leave with dignity. But don't say you don't love the person, cos if you want them.. if you want to be with them.. admit it (to yourself at least) & you'll feel this warmth inside you that you never knew you could feel - even if it is followed by a lump in your throat and the odd tear.. there's nothing wrong with it - you've just learnt to love. This time round, the love wasn't meant to last... and if they say 'love isn't love unless it's returned?' Crap.. it's all crap. I love my cat - you think he loves me? I certainly won't say I'm infactuated by it!!

No matter how strong you think you are, and think it won't happen to you... One day it will come and do the equivalent of a body slam to your heart. You'll meet someone who you'll think is just perfect (perfect for a woman is a good hearted guy, but a bit rough around the edges - cos we want a bit of the adventure too!!). I spent my entire college and uni life consolling others in similar situations, and it was beyond me how some girls (and guys!!) could go thru such psychotic behaviour. It's not until the shoe fit on my foot that I realised that really... We're all very similar and instead of judging the next person, maybe we should learn from them? The shoe eventually becomes loose and falls off and the feeling of wet socks is the same kind of irritation you feel when you just can't do anything about it, except get on with it.

Wow.. an essay!! Oi wake up, it's over now... :o)

Take it e'zi.
Peace xx